It’s been a week, despite repeated self-promises that I will sleep early, my body clock seems too ignorant to abide by my wishes. I am have been suffering from insomnia.
Many days have passed since I noticed myself to be indulged in useless staying up late, and during the day get involved in a monotonous routine of reporting to work, go home, and sleep. It’s a cycle, and I’m getting tired of it.
I have decided months ago to find new things to indulge with, to look for things that will make me happy, but the search is continuing. I’m not getting any younger and the time consumed on the search is becoming costly, I need to find the calling.
Many things happened. April and May was just a month that I discovered that walking to and fro can produce blisters on foot besides having shoes on, the attempt to make new friends and acquaintances that brought me new ideas and experiences on people. June and July are no better. Many works to do, little time to find fun.
Not to be left out is the endless search of looking for a better half, but the phobia of rush decisions may resort to another failed relationship similar to what I have tried to nurture for seven long years.
Insomnia brought me the idea of thinking many things to catch the elusive sleep. I re-dream again on how to get in touch with special people, whom I have a falling out, what excuses again I will make in case I fail to report early at work, and how to pay the piling bills amidst the limited budget my salary is trying to finance.
I dream of becoming somebody, although I have a lot of exposure to many people, bring change with my brilliant ideas, invent, create, and inspire. But no, I’m not Bill Gates, nor Steve Jobs that has the opportunity and the ability to be one.
I looked back again at what I have missed. The time when I need to shout my lungs on the street to fight for my rights and the others, the time that I have been brushing shoulders with the individuals belonging to the echelons of the society to get a scope, or just an ordinary government employee trying to prove something, but all has its limits and the problem remains, me without focus and priority. I’m thinking of going back, or just continue of what I am now used to.
Life is short, but I don’t have the inkling of enjoying life like what the common tao do. I contend with the now fully-paid laptop and a borrowed internet connection as my daily companion, a motorbike I’m trying to pay monthly and the places I am still yearning to explore.
I want to enjoy life, but I need someone to inspire me. But maybe, I’ll rethink of strategy to convince that one, but this time I need to find a cure for this insomnia.