Even though we haven’t seen each other much, and have not often communicated to each other, remember that first and foremost you are always on top of my priorities. It’s been years since we become close and felt something crazy for you before as what you are in my poems but I prefer to be your brother because I know I needed a sister that bad and I’m afraid I will eventually lose you.
But time passes so quickly that the most terrible nightmare of losing you will eventually come. But before that, let me reminisce about the past that we’ve been through. You are the most special person in the world to me, and I will not exchange you for anybody else. We have been through happiness and war, yet here we are closer and stronger than ever.
I know I had my own faults in the course of our friendship. I’m sorry for the times that I was not there by your side, especially in the most troubled part of your life. I should be there, but I wasn’t. However such things teach me to realize my own shortcomings and letting you surf your own world. I may not have shown you how much I care but I do in my own ways, though I sometimes neglect to stop you from crying over petty and hefty nights of your life, maybe because I’m not that perfect one to judge and set the correct directions but I’m trying my best.
I never wanted you to cry and be hurt especially when you enter into some relationships and learn how to love which I never did fail to remind you to be careful. But at your age of discovering, you have to go through those stages to let you learn from your own lessons.
Remember you have your own life and I have mine, but our thoughts will meet at the end and I will make sure that you will never go astray. I never wanted to interfere in your own life, but I solicit my advice to let you know that I am your wall, my shoulders are always ready for you to lean on, and my hands are ready to wipe those damn tears that are caused by your long travel to maturity.
I am much grateful for having you in my life, I am contended of having you near despite my searching for my own inspiration in love as you are also looking for one. But I love you, differently I believe that bears no reason for malice and arrogance. Love that does not ask but gives, doesn’t command but guides, and never for an instance taking possession, for your freedom be my equality.
I care, not because you need one but I give it freely to remind you, you were never been alone and will teach you to share it with others who also needed your attention. I look up to you for you not because you are fragile, but because you are strong and I want you to be stronger because life is not that always easy to deal with.
I wanted you to be responsible and I demand from you for your actions, not because I wanted to dominate or to manipulate things in their proper order, but to let you be more than me, and let you surpass others’ achievements to face the world strong but humble. But I never compare you to me or others because we are distinct. I only want to emphasize the truth that one can learn from other’s mistakes and success.
I know the reality that there are times that you don’t need me, though I may have my jealousy and pain, letting go is the noblest way to prove that you have that unselfish love for that person.
You are never been mine and I will never be yours because we live in two separate worlds. Space that separates us by age, dreams, and understanding, but we met when we face our own similar but separate goals. Things are never been simple, for explanations and reasons are insufficient to explain why the importance of care, yet I only smile to those questions for answers are yet to be discovered.
Some may say it is foolish to spare my time to you and expect nothing in return, it may be foolish to live up to expectations, but it was never been wrong to care for it is the essence of humanity. Why is it that there is such longing to love and care?
There is a simple answer, that is, to let that person feel that you value her as if it is equivalent to how you value yourself. Imperfections may stray our friendship, but I know and I trust you to defend it, for I may be strong and will protect you but I will be weak if you will forsake me.
I know change is the only permanent in this world. You may change and I will also be, but I hope such changes will improve what we have started and not be our final goodbye and that I ask your help to never give up.
You are like my plant, I water every day but I have to leave you sometimes to let the sunshine on you so that you can grow on your own. And if a time comes that you will become a tree, I will not be there to water your roots anymore, for you can look for it yourself. However, I will always be around to watch you whenever you go.
I love you for you are my light in the darkest days of my life, though I may not speak of asking you, for I will never dare but I hope you are here with me whenever will be. Thank you for being my sister, my friend, and my inspiration.
Written for a special friend way back.
February 12, 2003.